Translation is never an easy task. I was trying to render this beautiful poem, “A Blossomed Tree” by Muren Hsi（席慕蓉）, into English today. I’ve done an almost “literal translation”. Then I turned to my novelist friend, Jon, for proof reading it. He reminds me that English speakers respond to rhythm and rhyme in poetry, while the French respond to the numbers of syllables. Then, he kindly reformed my literally translation to something that does not read like a translation. And I really like his revision.

I think it would be interesting to put all three versions together. It shows how a good version comes out at the end. And I guess it also means that I need to do my English better. Still.

One funny extra remark is that if you google translate the literally translation and the revision back to Chinese, the literally translation also would be more similar to the original text in Chinese. “Duh!” That’s why it is literal translation. However, with the different cultural perspectives, people also perceive differently. Reading originals and translation together is always interesting. However, to be able to do that, one needs to be really good at playing with languages. But that is also something very challenging from time to time.

Original Text in Chinese

如何讓你遇見我
在我最美麗的時刻

為這
我已在佛前求了五百年
求佛讓我們結一段塵緣
佛於是把我化做一棵樹
長在你必經的路旁

陽光下
慎重地開滿了花
朵朵都是我前世的盼望

當你走近
請你細聽
那顫抖的葉
是我等待的熱情

而當你終於無視地走過
在你身後落了一地的
朋友啊
那不是花瓣
那是我凋零的心

Bryan's Literal Translation

How to make you encounter me
In my very beautiful moment

For this
I’ve prayed for five hundred years
That we’d be brought together in destiny
I was then transformed into a tree
Growing on the path along which you will walk

In the sun
I blossom cautiously
Each and every one is my expectation from previous life

When you walk closer
Please listen with care
The trembling leaves
Are my passion waiting for you

But when you finally ignorantly walk on by
Falling all over the ground behind you
My friend,
Are not petals
But my withered, broken hearts

Jon's Reformation

How to make you notice me
In my enchanting moment

For this, I’ve prayed five hundred years
That we’d find fate together
I turned myself, with help divine,
Into a tree along a path I know you walk

In the sun
I blossom cautiously
Each and every one you see, my hope from life before

When you approach
Hear carefully
The trembling of my leaves
Here is where my passion waits for you

But in the end your mindless steps go past,
And falling behind you on the ground,
My friend,
Are not petals
Just my withered, broken hearts